franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
