i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
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could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.