White coat. Heels.
so explain again why im purple
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.