My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
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through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
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No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.