hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
