Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
