i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Non-Jews are for practice
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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