last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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