I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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