I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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