Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
