dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
