Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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