can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
