I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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