i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
