Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
