The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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