oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
