I am midnight drunk by noon
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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