She is in my trunk
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
