people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
