Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
