She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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