Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
