i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
