Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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