you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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