Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
