I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
