Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
