accomplished twins. life is a go
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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