just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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