i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize