I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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