Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
