you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
