It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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