I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
