Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
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god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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