I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
