just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
