He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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