Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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