Will you blow on my dice?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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