I can't breathe out the right side of my face
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
