I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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