I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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