i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?