We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
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Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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