Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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