I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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