they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
