I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I deserve this hangover.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
