apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Who died my cat blue again?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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