Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
