you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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