your parents love me but you hate me
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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