1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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