and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
