dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
