That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
