I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
