You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize